I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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