my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
