My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my being single is dangerous.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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