It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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