At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
