matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
