I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
