It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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