About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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