Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
