a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
