If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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