so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
