Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
