It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
