Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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