Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
