One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
