the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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