please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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