So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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