Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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