'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
