The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
