i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
