U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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