I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
