His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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