did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
