I just made out with a guy for $7.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
