I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
