the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
