just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
