My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
