When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
