She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
