you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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