john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
