Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
