There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
