I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
