Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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