I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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