We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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