the condom got lost in my hair
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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