literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
