I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
