google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
