YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
