I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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