He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
