I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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