For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I forget how to act sober
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