i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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