This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
