i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My vagina is very pro this idea
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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