Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
